I'm Ok, You're Ok: A Practical Approach to Human Psychology

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I’m OK, You’re OK continues by providing practical advice to begin decoding the physical and verbal clues required to analyze transactions. For example, Harris suggests signs that a person is in a Parent ego state can include the use of evaluative words that imply judgment based on an automatic, axiomatic and archaic value system: words like ‘stupid, naughty, ridiculous, disgusting, should or ought’ (though the latter can also be used in the Adult ego state). We can display this when we feel wronged, but not able to solve the situation. When we act passive-aggressively we might use words to agree with the other person, but show our unhappiness through our tone of voice, facial expression or negative body language. We might display grumpy, sulky or moody behaviour. We might ignore others’ comments or not follow-through on agreed tasks. I found it very interesting, and highly relevant to the topics I write here on The Power Moves, that some people resist giving the parent role in relationships.

This section does not cite any sources. Please help improve this section by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. ( October 2021) ( Learn how and when to remove this template message) We also explore issues around self-confidence and assertiveness on the one-day Developing Personal Presence course. Share I’m Ok, You’re Ok – Assertiveness at work explainedBelow we explore these Psychological Positions as they relate to the concepts of the Critical Parent, the Angry/Defiant Child, and the Vulnerable Child Ego States created in less-than-nurturing families. And that’s how it is for most models: reality is too complex to fit it all into one simplified model. Aggressive behaviour is selfish, rude and controlling, it shuts down the conversation. Whilst you might win the conversation you have not actually won-over the other person and will have damaged the relationship.

The adult has the power to examine the child to see whether or not the feelings are appropriate to the present or if they don’t serve him well anymore and are simply responses to archaic Parent data. The ‘I’m OK, You’re OK’ person gets on with others and may be described as confident and contented within their work, home and life as a whole, mutually respecting others thoughts and opinions, even if they disagree with them. 'I’m OK, You’re not OK' This section does not cite any sources. Please help improve this section by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. If the child very early thinks “I’m not OK”, he also concludes that his parent, the big provider of all his life needs, must be OK.

The Four Life Positions

These parents see autonomy in their youngster as a threat to their control of him and may decide they liked it better the way it was, before treatment. Familiar miseries may seem more comfortable to frightened parents than the risk of trusting their teenager to develop his own inner controls. I’m not OK—You’re not OK is a position of hopelessness, futility and frustration. From this position life seems uninteresting and hopeless. This may result in self destructive or violent behaviour. The boy might simply have problems that are not (necessarily) a consequence of “I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK” position. Review printed with permission from: 50 Psychology Classics: Who We Are, How We Think, What We Do; Insight and Inspiration from 50 Key Books by Tom Butler-Bowdoin. Other resources on I’m OK – You’re OK

When the adult is in charge, the outcome is not always predictable. There is the possibility of failure. Or of success. But it’s only the adult that gives us the opportunity of changing and developing. The construct of the Adult, which tests the validity of data from the Parent and updates Child data to balance emotional expression, thus moving to a belief of I’m OK-You’re OK These deeply rooted decisions are the mental filters through which we make meaning (mind movies) of ourselves, others, and the happenings in the world around us. Dr. Thomas A. Harris’ classic Im Ok – You’re Ok is an original Transactional Analysis work exploring the Psychological Positions of the Parent, the Adult, and the Child Ego States.Because assertiveness is based on mutual respect, it’s an effective and diplomatic approach. It allows us to cooperate, to understand both points of view and ideally to resolve conflict by finding an outcome that suits us both. Or are you dependent on someone else, seeking their approval? I someone getting under your skin, and you are you reacting too aggressively? In the first episode of the fifth season of What We Do in the Shadows, the character Nandor talks about working through his anger issues with the book. Throughout the episode, he ends conversations with people not saying "I'm okay, you're okay," despite it often being a non sequitur. As several decades have elapsed since Harris published I'm OK, You're OK, some of the cultural references which were relevant at the time of the book's publication are now less accessible to contemporary readers not familiar with the period. We can display aggression by talking over people, exaggerating and overstating our point, or using words to belittle the other person or their idea in a way that can be easily dismissed.